excerpt from my aesthetics/photography paper notes.

Reading what Arthur C. Danto had to say about the idea that art reaches its apex in fulfillment when being appreciated as a source of pleasure helped me realize my semi-indifferent attitude about the way people view art. He was offended, and seemed to say, “How would a woman feel if you told her you only keep her around because she’s beautiful or sexy?” But as for my feelings on the subject, let others view art as they may... only as a lovely thing to look at, or as something to ignite, to illuminate, to inspire. Art is powerful and moving no matter how one views it... let it show some that there is beauty and goodness and loveliness in the world, let it show others truths about God, about people, and about life - and let them be changed. I shall let them view as they please, and look for the deeper myself. 

college life

My life has been hectic with homework and such lately, so I'll leave you with this short update -- God is good.

Click here to see Jesus

Bible College.

you know what i realized? when most people have to study for a test, they need a binder full of notes, maybe a couple textbooks, etc.

but while i'm studying for the test i have tomorrow, all i need is my bible. i'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and my little travel bible, reading out of it for my big test in matthew class tomorrow morning.

i love learning about the bible. dang, it's so good.

i can't believe i get to be here, learning from some of the greatest minds and teachers in Christianity alive today. i just want to learn to be like Jesus. and that's what i'm doing.

gosh, what a good life.

p.s. i went home this weekend, and it was marvelous. i got to play around a lot with my mom's film camera... took five whole rolls. my family is incredibly beautiful. i'm so grateful for them.
p.p.s. WALMART SELLS BIG RED NOW! WOOHOOOOO!

i can't sleep.

it's been almost two hours since i curled up into my blanket and sank into my pillow. i missed my pillow.. i accidentally left it at bayes' house five weeks ago.

rachel and i were talking tonight, and she told me that her boyfriend caleb thinks i haven't been around very much the past few days. i wanted to get angry and hurt, and point out to her how many times she's been out with just him in the past three days. i miss my roommate, and he's been taking her away from me.
but of course, my reaction was to apologize and tell her how much i miss her, sit on her bed and have deeper conversation while giving her my undivided attention.
i think that's the Christlike thing to do. but i hated it. goodness, i'm a selfish girl.

we prayed together like we had every night all summer. that was good. afterwards, i turned on a movie and she called caleb.
but then the movie was over, and they were talking about their relationship, and their favorite parts of their day, and how they're doing getting back into the groove of being at school with all of their friends... and i wanted to sleep.
i was really frustrated. all i want to do is get some sleep.. i have to work in the bookstore tomorrow at 9 AM, i've been busy going to all the freshman orientation sessions and answering questions and being welcoming and practicing with the band. and my roommate is talking on the phone with her boyfriend in the wee hours of the mornin'...
and gosh i'm selfish. and... jealous?

i still can't sleep. blah.

p.s. this is my favorite book. i wish i was a giving tree.

back at school.

why do people type with symbols and numbers in place of words? i don't understand.

i meet the girls in my small group tomorrow. we'll meet weekly for the rest of the year.

i hope they like me.

summer. (or lack thereof)

i got back to my house yesterday afternoon.

i'm leaving tuesday.

i didn't get a summer.

i'm so tired. my body's all out of wack. i wasn't hungry all day until dinner, when i started feeling almost faint because i hadn't eaten. i want to sleep all day... but i have spurts of an hour or two towards evening time when i'm pretty sure i could go another three days without sleeping. my tummy hurts. i'm kind of out of it.

i think this has been the hardest part of the summer. getting back and wish i could be here longer. beginning to feel stress about my responsibilities at school this year. blah.

i'm terrified to be a life group leader. just fyi.

privileges of old people

one thing i like about being quite old (going on nineteen this year!) is my ability to eat what i want without my mother punishing me.

for example, tonight, i ate steak and strawberry shortcake, and my mother didn't say a single thing about the absence of her cooked squash on my plate.

squash is super gross. 

i love college.

p.s. -- my mom cut my hair today, and she cut is way shorter than i wanted her to. but i didn't tell her, because she would feel horrible. and it's cute anyways... just short. my little brother asked if i would be offended if he told me that i look like a boy from the back. i said, "yeah, never say that again, please." he hasn't. haha. at least i have no facial hair.

culmination

today, i lived on two hours of sleep.
i found out that my film camera cannot be repaired, i was told that i left my computer charger nine hours away back home, and i had a huge fight with my best friend.

this weekend, i drove a car for a total of 20+ hours, talked to a middle schooler about his attempted suicide, and counseled a friend who isn't living for anything beyond herself and knows it... but won't change.

right now, i just want to be held. but instead i have to memorize a list of the kings of israel and judah.

what i liked today.

http://dearphotographer.com/blog/62/

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=182499&id=115064311851544&fbid=116069105084398

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=182478&id=115064311851544

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205&version=NIV

http://cdn0.knowyourmeme.com/i/12941/original/davidthornedavidthornef.jpg?1251507510

http://lovesunseeker.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/mocha_frap.jpg

http://www.facebook.com/terford?ref=ts

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/gutcheck/shower.jpg

http://www.dylanscandybar.com/resources/dylans/images/products/processed/301-Reeses-PB-Cup.a.zoom.jpg

http://popdisplaysusa.com/images/display_showcase/Floorstands/Walmart_camera_in_store.jpg

http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Accessories/Wallets/Peanut+Butter+and+Jam+Wallet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEI4Y4jpe94 + http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1236916&id=1119150201

i love

spring.
college.
chips n' dip.
learning about God.
my roommate.
grass.
having bare dirty feet.
having hair that smells like trees.
getting my hair cut.
sleep.
taco bell.
my roommate's boy.
cathy being near me again.
getting dirty taking pictures.
having my window open and my fan on.
boatman 2nd.
chocolate chip cookies.
running.
dresses.
deodorant.
blankets.
indiana jones.
ipods.
sean mcconnell.
jeremy cowart.
painting.
lotion.
singing really loud... but still sounding good.
frontline.
morgan and whitney.
smiles.
brushing my teeth.
anjel ciaravino.
the office.
tom hanks.
good mattresses.
apple juice.
altoids.
real sweet tea.
video games.
bass guitar.
scarves.
chicago.
shoes.
people.
stripes.
hanging things up in my closet.
black and white.
old people.
funny people.
batman.
phineas and ferb.
bruce willis.
pranks.
melinda perry.
refrigerators.
cold drinks.
coffee.
water.
owls.
our guard dog, chief.
my orange stapler.
writing letters.
receiving letters.
listening to smart people talk.
playing the piano.
learning new songs.
hillsong united.
jack johnson.
chocolate chip pancakes.
climbing trees.

i love.

distracted

today is the first day in a week and a half that i didn't feel incredibly sick with a cold.

i still went to my classes. (proud of me?)

today was the first day in about a week that it wasn't overcast and cold outside.

today felt like springtime, and i can't get anything done!

i have a huge test for mark moore tomorrow, and i can't seem to study for it worth anything. which is not conducive to getting good grades.

tomorrow is the last day of classes for like 

TEN WHOLE DAYS

and i'm so excited to be touring with the band in illinois next week. we're playing in chicago!

i was trying so hard to study, but i didn't know what to do with myself! sam and maggie came the room, and the sun was streaming in, and i got some awesome pictures of sam's beautiful eyes. then i couldn't sit still and study after that! so i decided to finally go get some springtime looking pictures of the grass outside the dorm. 

i'm all muddy... but it was worth it. totes ma goats. 

i'm going to study now. wish me luck.

i love college.

yesterday, i watched the entire third season of the office.

and took a shower.

and taught rob about aperture, manual focus and shutter speed.

i'd say it was a productive day.

i really love being in college.

p.s. -- i started reading isaiah yesterday. isaiah chapter one might be one of the most convicting things i've ever read. i decided that i'm done being lazy about my faith. like watching movies with nothing redeeming about it. and skipping my quiet time every day. so... yup. exciting days.

i'm watching the office all the way through.

i'm on season three.

and i love it.

so, so, so much.

God, Gideon, and my father

so i had a project due for my Old Testament class called a "Lesson Plan"... 3-4 pages of a teaching outline or something similar about part of the OT we had studies previously in class.

so i figured i would do a lesson for junior high or highschool aged kids about gideon and how he needed to trust God more or something like that. but as i did my research and read about it and studied the scripture itself, i found gideon to be completely underrated by most of us.

he only asked for verification three times for the biggest action of his lifetime for his entire nation. he asked that the Angel of the Lord stay and wait for his offering, and that the Lord would give him two different signs from a fleece left in dewy grass. but check this out -- while God pared down his forces from some thousands of men to only 300 to defeat the huge army of the midianites and amelakites, gideon didn't complain or question God once. not once.

the people recognized gideon as a strong leader; a general worthy of their respect and their trust. when he blew the trumpet and called Israel to arms against the impending enemy attack, they came. and after the battle, gid went after the enemy with fierceness and decisiveness that behooved a general of the Almighty.

he went from a young man scared of his own family's reactions to anything he might do, to a general that fiercely fights battles for the Lord.

and what caught me the most about this story, was the very beginning. in the very beginning of the story, God goes to gideon to talk to him about what he is supposed to do, and he calls this kid a mighty warrior. gideon's like, "say what?!"the Lord called it like he saw it... he knew gideon would become a mighty warrior for His Glory, and told him so.

God sees our potential, too... and he calls us by His name to live for His glory. i hope i can transform the way gideon did... and do awesome stuff for His kingdom the way gideon did.

also, i got an email from my dad today, and i would just like to brag about him. he's the most humble, smart, wise, loving, compassionate, just, generous christian man i've ever seen. he's the best husband and best father i've ever even heard of. i am so, so proud to be called his daughter, and have the same last name as him. i get to talk to him  all the time!!! be jealous of me! haha..

also, i love triscuits

mail call!

got a huge package in the mail this week!

it held:
big red (the soda!)
Ale 8 1 (also a soda!)
goldfish crackers
twizzlers
pringles
and valentines boxes of chocolates!!!

i love my family.

also, i have a ton of homework tonight.

a harmony of three gospels (only a section a few verses long in each)
a 1-2 page narrative paper rough draft
20 verses to memorize
reading for a seminar

all these things are due tomorrow/friday/saturday. stupid seminars messing up my weekend.

gross!

why am i such a slob?

i decided that this semester, i'm going to train my hair to not need to be washed more than once or twice a week. so my hair occasionally looks pretty nasty.
it's way too often that i'm too lazy to get up and change into pajamas before i fall asleep. so this morning was one more morning where i woke up in my clothes from yesterday. and my hair desperately needs to be washed.

i feel soooo sick nasty. but i don't particularly care right now.

i think my small group is going to serve at a nursing home in a little over two hours. i should get on that laundry, i guess.

this week.

i've been watching smallville. probably the cheesiest show i've ever seen. yet i keep watching and watching. don't judge!

i'm reading the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and i'm really excited about it. 42.

nothing about disney world appeals to me. but i should probably go sometime.

i had an awkward photo shoot today with a guy i don't like very much. he's nice... a little bit socially awkward though. his request for photos was riding the line that separates asking me out and asking for my time as a photographer. but the awkwardness ended up being only kind of minimal.

i wish i had a portrait lens. and a fisheye lens. and... etc.

i love reeses puffs.

i wish i was as cool as my roommate. tonight, when her old crush was making me laugh by whispering to me instead of across the table to her, i felt like i was pretty cool. and i didn't feel very bad about it. i feel like i might be a bad person.

i love the bass guitar.

running through the snow today was one of my happiest moments i can remember. i wish it had been spent with someone who means more to me. saying that makes me feel like a bad person again.

i want a concealed weapon license. haha. just so i could say i have one.

i've been wearing my red jacket the past couple days. it's my very favorite.

am i self-absorbed? every single one of these stories was about myself.